gaga

So today during lunch I went shopping for an outfit for the Lady Gaga concert. I have been on the hunt with no success. Well, I gallivanted int o a boutique on Austin Street and saw a very cute top/dress.....and of course, a gay boy works in this boutique - he totally reminds me of Lloyd from Entourage and I want to take him home and drink lemonade with him in my gazebo. Anyway, he decides that this dress will be amazing me for me....I liked it but as a top....I told him "Ummm did you check out mama's thighs?" And he says, "Girl, you got strong muscular legs, they're gorgeous, show them off" Well, this little nugget made my day. He made me put on heels to try the dress on (OF COURSE) and had me walk around the store....I kept saying "I can wear this over leggings, right" To which he replied "If you wear this over leggings, we are no longer friends" So I had to buy it because it was really nice, and it was on sale, and he made me giggle, as he held my hand and walked me around the store. I'm in love.

I will definitely be wearing leggings though. I do not need my biscuit getting the swine flu - that dress is SHORT and if someone sneezes/coughs I am DONE.

too busy for friendship?

i totally get that people are busy. really, I do! I remember being in graduate school,working one full time job and one part time job and STILL I made time for my family, Greg, and my friends. It seems that many people have forgotten the etiquette of friendship. It is not just when it's convenient for YOU. I always manage to put others in front of myself and make myself available to people, especially when they need me. It's in my genes. I like to help others and be there for them.

But, in the past few months it has become more apparent that not everyone is as thoughtful or willing to make time for their "close friends". It sucks. It's part of growing up, I guess.....but it still hurts and is extremely frustrating.

But I am thankful for what I have and who I have and as mama says che sera sera. And maybe one day those people will learn and know you cannot just come around when it's ok for you. Friendships are a two way street :)

clowns are not funny.

they aren't. they are creatures who lurk underneath fun colored garb, tons of scary makeup, rainbow colored frizz wigs, and big shoes...why, oh why? I do not know! my fear began as a young child when Bubbles came to my 7th birthday party and hit on some people....not cool mofo! it only continued with seeing the movie "It" and has been downhill ever since. These creatures of supposed fun follow me. I do not lie. About 2 years ago I was in line at the car wash and who gets out of the car in front of me, yes, a clown, in full gear.....And of course he is lurking near the cashier when I go to pay. They sense fear. He knew how scared I was as I kept my eyes down. I could feel his red nose thing beaming at me and his cabbage smelling hands, ugh!

And yesterday, once again, clowns entered my life. We were driving home from the beach when Greg goes "Dawn, don't look to the right", so of course first thing I do is look to the right. BAMMMMM a clown is driving next to us. then we stop in 7-11 and Greg runs in, and I look into the store and there is A DIFFERENT CLOWN, standing in front of him in line!

HONESTLY FML.

wow.

what an amazing weekend. full of energy. making others laugh. making myself laugh. cooking an amazing dinner from scratch. i love feeding people and seeing the pleased looks on their faces :) sunshine. a couple of great workouts. Astoria rooftop. swinging in a hammock under the stars staring at the Manhattan skyline. laughs. good music. the beach. feeling the sand under my toes. laying on a blanket with the sun shining over me with my love by my side. a fun dinner with good friends. more laughs. a full belly. not caring about my full belly :)

ending up in your bathtub unknowingly must mean you got roofied, right?

so here we go with one of infamous nights out in a gay bar. march 2009. nyc. the ritz. clearly we are trying to run into Madonna but this does not happen. we started drinking at vynl (i had one glass of wine)and then walked down to the Ritz (one of my most favorite dance establishments). it's already packed in there and we make our way to the bar. white wine it is for me and the boy.
we make our way to dance floor. the disco ball (yes, my friends a real disco ball) is spinning. we find a spot near the benches to place our drinks down so that we can dance. we keep and eye on our drinks as we shake our groove thing. at some point we get distracted by the boys hitting on my friend and i am giving my "yes, go for it" look or my "ummm you will vomit if you look at his face" look....this little game goes on for a while, and i meanwhile have finished two glasses of wine and am now sipping said friends. little did we know, that, and i believe this with all my heart , someone put something in his drink - possible the boy who i grabbed my friend away from. because he was a creeper. we leave shortly thereafter. i am buzzed but not terrible. put it this way, i have been in much worse states.

well i get home, lay in my bed, and start to feel as though someone is shaking my body upside down from the top of a building. i quickly get up and run to the bathroom. i throw up. hmmm....well this is odd.....3 1/2 glasses of wine would never ever do this to me....at this point my memory gets fuzzy.

i must have thought it was a good idea to climb into my bathtub and turn the shower on, for that is where i woke up over an hour later in ice cold water, with vomit on myself. delicious, right? i get myself into bed where i enter the world of slumber for approximately four hours. i wake up and feel as though i got mauled by large bears who had their way with me.
moral of le story: do not put your drinks down ANYWHERE. hold it. spill on yourself. bring a sippy cup. whatever you have to do. it will beat ending up in your bathtub looking and feeling liek a cold prune and not remembering getting in there.

fairy godmother duties.

so as many know, i am a proud and hard working fairy godmother! laugh if you may, but it's true. my gay friends are some of my closest and my best. i have one extremely close friend, who shall remain nameless, who I go out with to various establishment catering to the gay community. i honestly have some of my best times in gay bars and clubs, for the following reasons: #1 they really do play the best dance music #2 i can actually dance and not care what the hell i look like, aka a leaping gazelle as some have termed it (alcohol is involved in this now infamous dance move) #3 the drinks are stronger #4 i do not have to worry about getting hit on # 5 a girl gets called any of the following multiple times in an outing to such places: hot, beautiful, gorgeous, fabulous, etc....overall its a good time and you feel good about yourself. and face it, girls need a boost every now and then, even it comes from someone (a gay boy) who will look better in your outfit then you will.

i think my nights out performing my duties as fairy godmother (the term fag hag is ugly and i don't like it!) could serve as a humor based novel in itself, and will therefore, start blogging about them more.

this weekend.

this weekend is supposed to gorgeous. aka. i will wash the windows of my house (something i love doing, weird right), run outside, drive with all windows and sunroof open playing my music a little louder than i normally would. picnic?, Soho shopping?, brunch ala nyc?, ooooh the possibilities are endless!!!! i am really quite overjoyed for the weekend to be here.

hair removal mishap

on this rainy Earth day I decided to go get my usual threading/wax combo...aka thread my eyebrows and get my cheek aka woman beard waxed....so i am laying on the table at the hands of this lovely 4"11 Indian lady....all of a sudden she is standing over me and goes "Oh my gosh, don't move" Well her accent combined with the thought of the boiling wax in her hand I laughed ...I didn't scream...I just laughed a nervous giggle and said "ummmm whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy" Needless to say she had spilled wax.....on my hair...as in the hair on my head.....the one part of my body I do not want hair removed from.......She immediately dipped my head in oils.....greasy ones....and she massaged my hair strands until all wax was out .

how awesome.

so here i sit at work with a greasy head of hair, but still intact and attached to my scalp....hey at least i am no longer the bearded lady.

i love eventful Wednesdays.

rainy days sometimes make you sunny inside

yesterday when i left the gym it smelled Ike spring/summer rain, despite the temperature....i LOVE that smell....it reminds of when i was young and didn't care about getting wet or if my hair would frizz or if my shoes got wet....now i don't want to sit at work all day smelling like a wet dog with my hair which i took time to straighten to get gross and my leather pumps to get ruined....wow growing up makes one so much less fun.....Well I will not tolerate this.....So last night i put on my rain boots a pair of sweat pants and walked in the rain....I didn't care. It felt good. And it was fun! And I will keep that youth inside of me. cheeseball i know, but hey that's me :)

growing!

i am growing up. that's why i have been in such turmoil. it has hit me hard. wow. but a good wow. now, that i finally figured it out. I have come to a very strong decision in my head about something life-changing and i plan on implementing this change in the very near future. it will take courage and lots of hope, but will lead to a great change. say your prayers for me kids. gracias.

a little sweeping....

i am having a spring cleaning bonanza....literally and mentally....and it's so invigorating!

i am trying to remove the negative inside of me and around me .

i am cleaning out my closets. literally. i have filled up 5 bags full of clothes, shoes, and bags to give to those in need. this feels good on multiple levels because obviously there are people who have very little and if I can help them out than that's pretty fantastic and also on maybe a more selfish note it makes me feel good because many of these clothes are too big for me. in the past two years i have lost 56 pounds and it feels awesome on so many levels :)

i am cleaning up my life in a sense of reflecting on the past year and how much has changed. i have been through a lot in the past year personally wise - with friends - and it has been a tumultuous year but nonetheless a GREAT year, where I learned a lot about myself and about those close to me. i am ever so thankful for those whom I hold close to my heart.

AND i am proud to have kept my goal of traveling and exploring in 2009 going. Every month I promised to get myself away for at least an overnight stay outside of NY. And I have held true to this. It is important to get away and reflect, and relax and spend time with yourself and with a loved one or many loved ones :) I have not yet decided where May will take me but I look forward to it.

words.

i have come to learn how important communication really is. on all levels. with everyone in my life. i have also learned that the way i communicate with one person will not necessarily translate over into the way i communicate with others.

i am learning to communicate with people ultimately very close to me who I talk to every day yet fail to "communicate" with .

p.s. YAYYY for me for getting through a REALLLLLLLLLLY rough week.

reflection

this week has been a week of reflection so far and lots of thinking and lots of space.....much needed space perhaps. it has n0t been easy and i have never felt lonelier at points but i am getting back to myself and knowing what a truly independent soul i have ....but also knowing how another soul has complemented mine.

mistakes are made. we all make them . but the funny thing about life is that mistakes can be forgiven, we can grow and learn....especially when you love yourself first and foremost.