last night i went to hot yoga again. this time i was much more hydrated and prepared. another new adventure with a good friend :) thats what life is all about.

i am back on the major workout/diet bandwagon. to get healthier and lsoe those last few pounds? yes. but more importantly because I plan on being somewhere hot in the beginning of August and need to look good, lol. I can be totally shallow - deal with it.

I am now considering cutting alcohol out until then. this has caused me great distress, as i recall of the fantastic moments of my life and most of them have invovled alcohol. that is so sad. let's review some of the top ten Dawn moments and the alcohol involved):

1. Getting locked in my trunk at a DMB concert in order to demonstrate my inner latch which allowed me to pop out (mike's hard iced tea - i know, i am a lightweight)

2. Dancing on the bar at Hogs and Heifers (espresso martinis, white wine, shots of blackhouse, corona - and yes, I did throw up , a lot)

3. Dancing on a pole at Jet in Vegas with birthday cake sunglasses, and it was not my brithday (day drinking - a lot- , cranberry and vodka, patron)

4. Pouring cups of water on myself while "Welcome to the Jungle" palyed at Rehab in Vegas (strictly 4 liters of vodka lemonades)

5. A night which shall remain a secret (well excluding the 4 people involved) - (a bottle of white wine, for me)

6. Lady Gaga + a garbage can + Dawn's infamous need to always pee (white wine, espresso vodka and a broken cell phone later)

7. The Ritz, hot sweaty gay boys and myself and then passing out in my bathtub and waking up in ice cold water (white wine and what i would like to believe is a roofie)

there are so many other moments, perhaps some I am too embarassed to now write.

I don't know if I can ban alcohol from my life. That is such a sad statement in retrospect.

i dislike selfish people. a lot. i really do not like people who you basically throw yourself out there for who fail to reciprocate -ever. friendship a two way street.

put that in your juicebox and suck it.

that my bitching for the day and now I feel more positive energy flowing in. thanks.

last night dom and i decided to hit up hooters for some beer and wings ...ummm yummm....and we are sitting there eating our wings when a group of guys sitting next to us interrupts us and asks if we are twins. really???? we don't see it. at all. dom was clearly offended (ps thanks for that one dg :) ) and I was just baffled, lol. Anyone care to give their input?

I am still laughing over it though, because these guys were dead serious and surprised when we said no.

SO.....after a long week last week, and a somewhat emotional for me ....Greg decided we should go to the beach on Sunday....something that is unusual for him since he is not such a beach person....he likes the beach but he has the attention span of a four year old with ADD and no Ritalin and cannot lay on the sand for more than 10 minutes without getting antsy. I on the other hand have a Jewish gene which allows me to lay and tan for approximately 8 hours at a pop. easy.

So i jumped at this moment to make my yellow like skin color a little bronze.

We started on our journey and of course stopped off to get some delicious Italian hero sandwiches. Nothing says love like "let me flaunt myself in a bikini after eating a 12 inch semolina bread hero filled with chicken cutlet, fresh mozzarella, prosciutto and red peppers"

We get to the beach, eat half of our heroes and I am now ready to read and nap....I am laying on my back for a bit trying to be unhealthy and get a nice burn (whatever, I know it is bad for me but so is drinking 7 cranberry and vodkas in an hour and that has never dissuaded me)....I then start to get some lower back pains which are delicious and flip onto my stomach....well dear Lord in heaven ...thank Goodness I did!!! Approximately 3 minutes of stomach time and all of a sudden I get wet ..As I am about to start bitching about kids splashing buckets , Greg goes "Oh my God, a seagull just crapped on the towel" ....Well the towel, my friends, is not the only thing that got crapped on...so did my magazine, book, back, butt, and leg! Deliciously nasty! I entered into total girl mode and started sqirming and making vomit noises....Greg had to wash me off because I literally started panicking. normal, no?

Just one of the girls....

So those words were spoken by my dear beloved Greg! lol

Last week, I was in desperate need of a mani/pedi/wax session because I started top resemble a wild animal. Greg decided he wanted his pre-summer pedicure so he joined me. We sat 4 chairs apart and bbm'd each other commenting on various people in the salon - as it was packed at 10 pm....I finished up before him and went into the back room to get my beard taken care of - yes, I am comfortable with saying that. As I layed there I heard Greg giggle as the lady scrubbed the bottom of his feet - and I mean giggle . His feet are so ticklish and this became readily apparent as he laughed harder and harder causing all the girls in the place to crack up. Ahhh, that's my boy!!!!

To top it off as he dropped me off afterward, he goes "Baby I had fun getting a pedicure with you, it's like I'm just one of the girls" Insert lots of laughter on my part right now.

I am a proud mama

I have to blog about this because I am extremely happy. Happy for my friend. My best friend. I am happy for his great accomplishment. He has come so far and has made extremely proud of him. His accomplishment is great. We have seen each other grow in the past almost three years in many ways. He is great person with an undeniably great heart, and I am ever so thankful to have him by my side for so many of life's events - good, bad, indifferent. But this week, he made me proud. And he made himself proud - this I know. And for that, I am so happy for him. He deserves all that is good in life and he is well on his way to leading a most wonderful and fulfilling life. I am so proud of my best friend. :)

a day at a spa....not so much.

So, on Friday, Kim had invited me to go to Spa Castle with her, Tiffany, and Jami for a relaxing day at the spa where we would indulge on massages, mud wraps, saunas, jet pools, and all that good stuff to make you feel alive. Well, I did feel alive in so many ways, too many ways.

I had heard a few things about the place and knew that in the separated pool areas (men on one side and women on the other) there were pools where full nudity is allowed. Well, no one warned me that it would be a smorgasbord of biscuits and muffins (and not the type you find in a bakery, if you catch my drift).....Now I know, I should be more mature and accept the human body etc....but really, I am sorry I cannot do this. I cannot walk around butt naked or go into pools and jacuzzis where women are frolicking nude. I do not want to see any other woman's gentlemen greeter (or lady greeter for that matter, because there were CLEARLY some lady lover which is ok with me as long as you don't go washing your lover with your vag). Thanks, but no thanks. This may be acceptable by many, especially in other cultures but it is not okay in Land of Dawnia. Really. We walked into the ladies only pool area and we were shocked. Lots of T&A everywhere. Not only nudity but there women sitting on stools washing each other. literally. like sitting behind one another loofahi-ng each other. Really, is that ever necessary in public? Negative.

Mud Wrap time. Well, let me start off by saying that me and Kim's friendship was taken to a whole new level during this treatment. Why? Oh, you know, because they scrubbed us, wrapped, and vioalted us simulataneously in the same room laying side by side. Fantastic. We layed faced down on beds and got soaked with water and then scrubbed. And boy, did these Koreans scrub us. They left no area untouched. I got confused and frightened right away and didn't know what to do. It's like that awkward moment when a waiter is telling you specials and you can't hear him so you just nod and smile. Well, I was not smiling - Was more like "wow, my ass crack is going to be smooth now too I guess" - I feel so ashamed even writing this now. They made us get up at one point and shower. This was considerably the least degrading part of the "wrap" .....On to the slopping of mud on our bodies and being wrapped in plastic wrap and left to ferment in this supposed healthy wrap. We were then washed off and then had to shower ourselves on again......Never had I felt so violated - little did I know what was in store for us in our massages in the afternoon.

We scoped out the pools on the roof which was actually quite nice - mainly because we weren't being touched by workers and bathing suits were required. I really enjoyed seeing people in bathing suits. It felt nice to not have to worry that the ledge i was sitting on was not just sat on by exposed cookie. After lunch, we all went for our massage....I opted for the hour massage, whereas the other girls went for 90 minutes - well am I glad because that was another odd, unique, and somewhat painful experience.

So Jami and I got put in the same room for the massage - apparently this place likes doing everything in twos....not sure what that is about but ok...at this point I'm game for anything and it was comforting knowing a friend was only a hop, skip, and vagina away in case I needed her. Well this massage was not so great, considering the women got on top of me and straddled me, pulled my legs behind my head, made my arms go behind my back in a way that should only be used for torture.....well i got out of that room asap after she was done and left poor Jami alone with her male masseuse...lo siento! But listen I had to go see sunlight and make myself know that the world was really a good place despite what was taking place in these Korean rooms of torture and humiliation.

So I waited for the girls to be done, and as many know I cannot just sit still so I ventured into each of the different types of saunas, which are unisex, and thankfully clothes are required (and by clothes I mean the ridiculous uniforms they give everyone to wear - fyi pink and orange are not flattering when one is pale!) ....I then decided to go downstairs for some ridiculous reason only to find a festive party of vaginas walking around...no towels, not even just a towel to cover up the nether region ....WHY???? Well, it's like a train wreck you cannot help but look, despite the forest areas which needed to be cleared asap. I ran upstairs like a child that had just been offered candy from a man driving a pedophile van....and waited for the girls, who all looked like I did as we left the "massage" - shocked, hurt, and bewildered.

This day was definitely one for the books. I will stick to red door where privacy is respected as is the vagina rule - no need to flash your vagina, ever! How I look forward to my next massage there where they will not go above my upper thigh, where my ass won't get massaged, and where no one straddles my back.

The day was overall and fun though simply because of the laughs incurred and the stories that will last a lifetime.

FYI if your loved one wants to go here, please be forewarned that they will come back a little sexually scared.

kids these days....

my 10 year old nephew asked me last night if I knew who Dane Cook was....I told him yes and that i have seen him live. He was in shock - I guess he didn't think I would know. Apparently, the little one (who really is not so little anymore) watches Dane Cook bits on YouTube and was reciting some of it to me. yes. hello 2009. hello new generation. i can't stand how fast he is growing up. wahhhh.

i should not be allowed to watch tv AND run

this morning as I am running on the treadmill at the gym (ps i have really come to enjoy running mainly because of how it is changing my body and not for any other reason) and so I am flipping stations, about to plug in my ipod instead when I come to Channel 2 news and their segments on everyday "Angels" - special people in our country.

Today's Angel was a young boy with cerebral palsy from Texas....He was chosen as an Angel and his dream was to be granted....his dream was to sit front row at a baseball game....Well as I write this I get goosebumps because the excitement this boy exuded as they wheeled him onto the grass at Citifield was so touching. He got to meet all the Mets, including his favorite David Wright....I am tearing now as i write this. Asd I am watching this and running I start to cry...like really cry....not because I feel bad for the boy but because of how happy I was to see how happy he was! He was truly so excited for this moment in his life!!! The followed up by having him live on the show where they presented him and his mom with gifts and a trip o Disney. He squealed with delight. And my tears continued to flow. Oy.

So of course what a wonderful moment for this young boy and how wonderful it made me feel to witness his joy.

BUT let's discuss how I can even allow myself to cry on the treadmill, running at full speed, at 8am in a somehwat busy gym. The man next to me was frightened and totally thought I was experiencing some menstrual related.

let's discuss

i have decided that need to have a talk show. i shall call it let's discuss. picture: the soup meets chelsea handler meets tyra ala judge judy....yes, it will be fab and i also plan on screaming and pronouncing names and phrases like oprah! and giving out fab gifts and prizes like shamwows and the topsy turvy tomato planter.

in the meantime, i am still on the hunt....trying each and everyday. i know something will break. it has to.

gaga

So today during lunch I went shopping for an outfit for the Lady Gaga concert. I have been on the hunt with no success. Well, I gallivanted int o a boutique on Austin Street and saw a very cute top/dress.....and of course, a gay boy works in this boutique - he totally reminds me of Lloyd from Entourage and I want to take him home and drink lemonade with him in my gazebo. Anyway, he decides that this dress will be amazing me for me....I liked it but as a top....I told him "Ummm did you check out mama's thighs?" And he says, "Girl, you got strong muscular legs, they're gorgeous, show them off" Well, this little nugget made my day. He made me put on heels to try the dress on (OF COURSE) and had me walk around the store....I kept saying "I can wear this over leggings, right" To which he replied "If you wear this over leggings, we are no longer friends" So I had to buy it because it was really nice, and it was on sale, and he made me giggle, as he held my hand and walked me around the store. I'm in love.

I will definitely be wearing leggings though. I do not need my biscuit getting the swine flu - that dress is SHORT and if someone sneezes/coughs I am DONE.

too busy for friendship?

i totally get that people are busy. really, I do! I remember being in graduate school,working one full time job and one part time job and STILL I made time for my family, Greg, and my friends. It seems that many people have forgotten the etiquette of friendship. It is not just when it's convenient for YOU. I always manage to put others in front of myself and make myself available to people, especially when they need me. It's in my genes. I like to help others and be there for them.

But, in the past few months it has become more apparent that not everyone is as thoughtful or willing to make time for their "close friends". It sucks. It's part of growing up, I guess.....but it still hurts and is extremely frustrating.

But I am thankful for what I have and who I have and as mama says che sera sera. And maybe one day those people will learn and know you cannot just come around when it's ok for you. Friendships are a two way street :)

clowns are not funny.

they aren't. they are creatures who lurk underneath fun colored garb, tons of scary makeup, rainbow colored frizz wigs, and big shoes...why, oh why? I do not know! my fear began as a young child when Bubbles came to my 7th birthday party and hit on some people....not cool mofo! it only continued with seeing the movie "It" and has been downhill ever since. These creatures of supposed fun follow me. I do not lie. About 2 years ago I was in line at the car wash and who gets out of the car in front of me, yes, a clown, in full gear.....And of course he is lurking near the cashier when I go to pay. They sense fear. He knew how scared I was as I kept my eyes down. I could feel his red nose thing beaming at me and his cabbage smelling hands, ugh!

And yesterday, once again, clowns entered my life. We were driving home from the beach when Greg goes "Dawn, don't look to the right", so of course first thing I do is look to the right. BAMMMMM a clown is driving next to us. then we stop in 7-11 and Greg runs in, and I look into the store and there is A DIFFERENT CLOWN, standing in front of him in line!

HONESTLY FML.

wow.

what an amazing weekend. full of energy. making others laugh. making myself laugh. cooking an amazing dinner from scratch. i love feeding people and seeing the pleased looks on their faces :) sunshine. a couple of great workouts. Astoria rooftop. swinging in a hammock under the stars staring at the Manhattan skyline. laughs. good music. the beach. feeling the sand under my toes. laying on a blanket with the sun shining over me with my love by my side. a fun dinner with good friends. more laughs. a full belly. not caring about my full belly :)

ending up in your bathtub unknowingly must mean you got roofied, right?

so here we go with one of infamous nights out in a gay bar. march 2009. nyc. the ritz. clearly we are trying to run into Madonna but this does not happen. we started drinking at vynl (i had one glass of wine)and then walked down to the Ritz (one of my most favorite dance establishments). it's already packed in there and we make our way to the bar. white wine it is for me and the boy.
we make our way to dance floor. the disco ball (yes, my friends a real disco ball) is spinning. we find a spot near the benches to place our drinks down so that we can dance. we keep and eye on our drinks as we shake our groove thing. at some point we get distracted by the boys hitting on my friend and i am giving my "yes, go for it" look or my "ummm you will vomit if you look at his face" look....this little game goes on for a while, and i meanwhile have finished two glasses of wine and am now sipping said friends. little did we know, that, and i believe this with all my heart , someone put something in his drink - possible the boy who i grabbed my friend away from. because he was a creeper. we leave shortly thereafter. i am buzzed but not terrible. put it this way, i have been in much worse states.

well i get home, lay in my bed, and start to feel as though someone is shaking my body upside down from the top of a building. i quickly get up and run to the bathroom. i throw up. hmmm....well this is odd.....3 1/2 glasses of wine would never ever do this to me....at this point my memory gets fuzzy.

i must have thought it was a good idea to climb into my bathtub and turn the shower on, for that is where i woke up over an hour later in ice cold water, with vomit on myself. delicious, right? i get myself into bed where i enter the world of slumber for approximately four hours. i wake up and feel as though i got mauled by large bears who had their way with me.
moral of le story: do not put your drinks down ANYWHERE. hold it. spill on yourself. bring a sippy cup. whatever you have to do. it will beat ending up in your bathtub looking and feeling liek a cold prune and not remembering getting in there.

fairy godmother duties.

so as many know, i am a proud and hard working fairy godmother! laugh if you may, but it's true. my gay friends are some of my closest and my best. i have one extremely close friend, who shall remain nameless, who I go out with to various establishment catering to the gay community. i honestly have some of my best times in gay bars and clubs, for the following reasons: #1 they really do play the best dance music #2 i can actually dance and not care what the hell i look like, aka a leaping gazelle as some have termed it (alcohol is involved in this now infamous dance move) #3 the drinks are stronger #4 i do not have to worry about getting hit on # 5 a girl gets called any of the following multiple times in an outing to such places: hot, beautiful, gorgeous, fabulous, etc....overall its a good time and you feel good about yourself. and face it, girls need a boost every now and then, even it comes from someone (a gay boy) who will look better in your outfit then you will.

i think my nights out performing my duties as fairy godmother (the term fag hag is ugly and i don't like it!) could serve as a humor based novel in itself, and will therefore, start blogging about them more.

this weekend.

this weekend is supposed to gorgeous. aka. i will wash the windows of my house (something i love doing, weird right), run outside, drive with all windows and sunroof open playing my music a little louder than i normally would. picnic?, Soho shopping?, brunch ala nyc?, ooooh the possibilities are endless!!!! i am really quite overjoyed for the weekend to be here.

hair removal mishap

on this rainy Earth day I decided to go get my usual threading/wax combo...aka thread my eyebrows and get my cheek aka woman beard waxed....so i am laying on the table at the hands of this lovely 4"11 Indian lady....all of a sudden she is standing over me and goes "Oh my gosh, don't move" Well her accent combined with the thought of the boiling wax in her hand I laughed ...I didn't scream...I just laughed a nervous giggle and said "ummmm whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy" Needless to say she had spilled wax.....on my hair...as in the hair on my head.....the one part of my body I do not want hair removed from.......She immediately dipped my head in oils.....greasy ones....and she massaged my hair strands until all wax was out .

how awesome.

so here i sit at work with a greasy head of hair, but still intact and attached to my scalp....hey at least i am no longer the bearded lady.

i love eventful Wednesdays.

rainy days sometimes make you sunny inside

yesterday when i left the gym it smelled Ike spring/summer rain, despite the temperature....i LOVE that smell....it reminds of when i was young and didn't care about getting wet or if my hair would frizz or if my shoes got wet....now i don't want to sit at work all day smelling like a wet dog with my hair which i took time to straighten to get gross and my leather pumps to get ruined....wow growing up makes one so much less fun.....Well I will not tolerate this.....So last night i put on my rain boots a pair of sweat pants and walked in the rain....I didn't care. It felt good. And it was fun! And I will keep that youth inside of me. cheeseball i know, but hey that's me :)

growing!

i am growing up. that's why i have been in such turmoil. it has hit me hard. wow. but a good wow. now, that i finally figured it out. I have come to a very strong decision in my head about something life-changing and i plan on implementing this change in the very near future. it will take courage and lots of hope, but will lead to a great change. say your prayers for me kids. gracias.

a little sweeping....

i am having a spring cleaning bonanza....literally and mentally....and it's so invigorating!

i am trying to remove the negative inside of me and around me .

i am cleaning out my closets. literally. i have filled up 5 bags full of clothes, shoes, and bags to give to those in need. this feels good on multiple levels because obviously there are people who have very little and if I can help them out than that's pretty fantastic and also on maybe a more selfish note it makes me feel good because many of these clothes are too big for me. in the past two years i have lost 56 pounds and it feels awesome on so many levels :)

i am cleaning up my life in a sense of reflecting on the past year and how much has changed. i have been through a lot in the past year personally wise - with friends - and it has been a tumultuous year but nonetheless a GREAT year, where I learned a lot about myself and about those close to me. i am ever so thankful for those whom I hold close to my heart.

AND i am proud to have kept my goal of traveling and exploring in 2009 going. Every month I promised to get myself away for at least an overnight stay outside of NY. And I have held true to this. It is important to get away and reflect, and relax and spend time with yourself and with a loved one or many loved ones :) I have not yet decided where May will take me but I look forward to it.

words.

i have come to learn how important communication really is. on all levels. with everyone in my life. i have also learned that the way i communicate with one person will not necessarily translate over into the way i communicate with others.

i am learning to communicate with people ultimately very close to me who I talk to every day yet fail to "communicate" with .

p.s. YAYYY for me for getting through a REALLLLLLLLLLY rough week.

reflection

this week has been a week of reflection so far and lots of thinking and lots of space.....much needed space perhaps. it has n0t been easy and i have never felt lonelier at points but i am getting back to myself and knowing what a truly independent soul i have ....but also knowing how another soul has complemented mine.

mistakes are made. we all make them . but the funny thing about life is that mistakes can be forgiven, we can grow and learn....especially when you love yourself first and foremost.

growing.

I am growing up. It's a reality I face every day. I think we all grow in different ways each and every day. Sometimes we regress, and I truly feel one needs to do that in order to grow. I am trying to find my next stepping stone in life and it's making me feel complicated. But I am okay with that.

ummmm

why do people ask for my HONEST opinion and then when I give it...bitch at me. good friends are honest. i, therefore, am a good friend. if you don't want my honest opinion,don't ask me for it.

why?

why do women in the gym find it necessary to walk around the locker room completely ala birthday suit....for about 10 minutes...having random convo's, checking their butts in the mirror, standing on the scale, sitting on the benches...etc....WHY? AND WHYYYYYYYY did one of these such culprits decide to graze her naked butt along my gym bag this morning. i seriously got the disinfectant spray from my non-English speaking nysc worker and doused my bag. said bag will now be sold on Craig's list. that's my little gym story for today.

back to the swing of things!

well, it has been forever since i have blogged! I really need to get back on it! I am making lots of moves and changes in my life right now....all for a positive change and something I want. It has been difficult to grow and understand what it is I really want in life, yet I have never been so sure of where my life is going, as I am right now :)

I have also begun to compile past letters / notes/ thoughts...in hopes of beginning my memoir! that is really exciting for me!

i will be writing more :)

new year!

new year . new beginnings. my goals for this year.

*go away. far away. get my passport stamped. see a new exciting place.

*travel lots within the US. take last minute trips - although most of our getaways are last minute. but i want to really see so many more places.

*continue to let new people in my life, but nurture the strong friendships i currently have.

*let go of heartache.

*forgive

*love those around me even more and show them that I do.

*not feel bad so much....because I really always think about others so much and maybe a little too much sometimes. think about myself.

*get healthier, in mind body and spirit.

*LET GO!

that's all for now. wishing all a happy 2009, a year filled lots of love and lots of laughs ! xxoo