clowns are not funny.

they aren't. they are creatures who lurk underneath fun colored garb, tons of scary makeup, rainbow colored frizz wigs, and big shoes...why, oh why? I do not know! my fear began as a young child when Bubbles came to my 7th birthday party and hit on some people....not cool mofo! it only continued with seeing the movie "It" and has been downhill ever since. These creatures of supposed fun follow me. I do not lie. About 2 years ago I was in line at the car wash and who gets out of the car in front of me, yes, a clown, in full gear.....And of course he is lurking near the cashier when I go to pay. They sense fear. He knew how scared I was as I kept my eyes down. I could feel his red nose thing beaming at me and his cabbage smelling hands, ugh!

And yesterday, once again, clowns entered my life. We were driving home from the beach when Greg goes "Dawn, don't look to the right", so of course first thing I do is look to the right. BAMMMMM a clown is driving next to us. then we stop in 7-11 and Greg runs in, and I look into the store and there is A DIFFERENT CLOWN, standing in front of him in line!

HONESTLY FML.

wow.

what an amazing weekend. full of energy. making others laugh. making myself laugh. cooking an amazing dinner from scratch. i love feeding people and seeing the pleased looks on their faces :) sunshine. a couple of great workouts. Astoria rooftop. swinging in a hammock under the stars staring at the Manhattan skyline. laughs. good music. the beach. feeling the sand under my toes. laying on a blanket with the sun shining over me with my love by my side. a fun dinner with good friends. more laughs. a full belly. not caring about my full belly :)

ending up in your bathtub unknowingly must mean you got roofied, right?

so here we go with one of infamous nights out in a gay bar. march 2009. nyc. the ritz. clearly we are trying to run into Madonna but this does not happen. we started drinking at vynl (i had one glass of wine)and then walked down to the Ritz (one of my most favorite dance establishments). it's already packed in there and we make our way to the bar. white wine it is for me and the boy.
we make our way to dance floor. the disco ball (yes, my friends a real disco ball) is spinning. we find a spot near the benches to place our drinks down so that we can dance. we keep and eye on our drinks as we shake our groove thing. at some point we get distracted by the boys hitting on my friend and i am giving my "yes, go for it" look or my "ummm you will vomit if you look at his face" look....this little game goes on for a while, and i meanwhile have finished two glasses of wine and am now sipping said friends. little did we know, that, and i believe this with all my heart , someone put something in his drink - possible the boy who i grabbed my friend away from. because he was a creeper. we leave shortly thereafter. i am buzzed but not terrible. put it this way, i have been in much worse states.

well i get home, lay in my bed, and start to feel as though someone is shaking my body upside down from the top of a building. i quickly get up and run to the bathroom. i throw up. hmmm....well this is odd.....3 1/2 glasses of wine would never ever do this to me....at this point my memory gets fuzzy.

i must have thought it was a good idea to climb into my bathtub and turn the shower on, for that is where i woke up over an hour later in ice cold water, with vomit on myself. delicious, right? i get myself into bed where i enter the world of slumber for approximately four hours. i wake up and feel as though i got mauled by large bears who had their way with me.
moral of le story: do not put your drinks down ANYWHERE. hold it. spill on yourself. bring a sippy cup. whatever you have to do. it will beat ending up in your bathtub looking and feeling liek a cold prune and not remembering getting in there.

fairy godmother duties.

so as many know, i am a proud and hard working fairy godmother! laugh if you may, but it's true. my gay friends are some of my closest and my best. i have one extremely close friend, who shall remain nameless, who I go out with to various establishment catering to the gay community. i honestly have some of my best times in gay bars and clubs, for the following reasons: #1 they really do play the best dance music #2 i can actually dance and not care what the hell i look like, aka a leaping gazelle as some have termed it (alcohol is involved in this now infamous dance move) #3 the drinks are stronger #4 i do not have to worry about getting hit on # 5 a girl gets called any of the following multiple times in an outing to such places: hot, beautiful, gorgeous, fabulous, etc....overall its a good time and you feel good about yourself. and face it, girls need a boost every now and then, even it comes from someone (a gay boy) who will look better in your outfit then you will.

i think my nights out performing my duties as fairy godmother (the term fag hag is ugly and i don't like it!) could serve as a humor based novel in itself, and will therefore, start blogging about them more.

this weekend.

this weekend is supposed to gorgeous. aka. i will wash the windows of my house (something i love doing, weird right), run outside, drive with all windows and sunroof open playing my music a little louder than i normally would. picnic?, Soho shopping?, brunch ala nyc?, ooooh the possibilities are endless!!!! i am really quite overjoyed for the weekend to be here.

hair removal mishap

on this rainy Earth day I decided to go get my usual threading/wax combo...aka thread my eyebrows and get my cheek aka woman beard waxed....so i am laying on the table at the hands of this lovely 4"11 Indian lady....all of a sudden she is standing over me and goes "Oh my gosh, don't move" Well her accent combined with the thought of the boiling wax in her hand I laughed ...I didn't scream...I just laughed a nervous giggle and said "ummmm whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy" Needless to say she had spilled wax.....on my hair...as in the hair on my head.....the one part of my body I do not want hair removed from.......She immediately dipped my head in oils.....greasy ones....and she massaged my hair strands until all wax was out .

how awesome.

so here i sit at work with a greasy head of hair, but still intact and attached to my scalp....hey at least i am no longer the bearded lady.

i love eventful Wednesdays.

rainy days sometimes make you sunny inside

yesterday when i left the gym it smelled Ike spring/summer rain, despite the temperature....i LOVE that smell....it reminds of when i was young and didn't care about getting wet or if my hair would frizz or if my shoes got wet....now i don't want to sit at work all day smelling like a wet dog with my hair which i took time to straighten to get gross and my leather pumps to get ruined....wow growing up makes one so much less fun.....Well I will not tolerate this.....So last night i put on my rain boots a pair of sweat pants and walked in the rain....I didn't care. It felt good. And it was fun! And I will keep that youth inside of me. cheeseball i know, but hey that's me :)