So, on Friday, Kim had invited me to go to Spa Castle with her, Tiffany, and Jami for a relaxing day at the spa where we would indulge on massages, mud wraps, saunas, jet pools, and all that good stuff to make you feel alive. Well, I did feel alive in so many ways, too many ways. I had heard a few things about the place and knew that in the separated pool areas (men on one side and women on the other) there were pools where full nudity is allowed. Well, no one warned me that it would be a smorgasbord of biscuits and muffins (and not the type you find in a bakery, if you catch my drift).....Now I know, I should be more mature and accept the human body etc....but really, I am sorry I cannot do this. I cannot walk around butt naked or go into pools and jacuzzis where women are frolicking nude. I do not want to see any other woman's gentlemen greeter (or lady greeter for that matter, because there were CLEARLY some lady lover which is ok with me as long as you don't go washing your lover with your vag). Thanks, but no thanks. This may be acceptable by many, especially in other cultures but it is not okay in Land of Dawnia. Really. We walked into the ladies only pool area and we were shocked. Lots of T&A everywhere. Not only nudity but there women sitting on stools washing each other. literally. like sitting behind one another loofahi-ng each other. Really, is that ever necessary in public? Negative. Mud Wrap time. Well, let me start off by saying that me and Kim's friendship was taken to a whole new level during this treatment. Why? Oh, you know, because they scrubbed us, wrapped, and vioalted us simulataneously in the same room laying side by side. Fantastic. We layed faced down on beds and got soaked with water and then scrubbed. And boy, did these Koreans scrub us. They left no area untouched. I got confused and frightened right away and didn't know what to do. It's like that awkward moment when a waiter is telling you specials and you can't hear him so you just nod and smile. Well, I was not smiling - Was more like "wow, my ass crack is going to be smooth now too I guess" - I feel so ashamed even writing this now. They made us get up at one point and shower. This was considerably the least degrading part of the "wrap" .....On to the slopping of mud on our bodies and being wrapped in plastic wrap and left to ferment in this supposed healthy wrap. We were then washed off and then had to shower ourselves on again......Never had I felt so violated - little did I know what was in store for us in our massages in the afternoon.
We scoped out the pools on the roof which was actually quite nice - mainly because we weren't being touched by workers and bathing suits were required. I really enjoyed seeing people in bathing suits. It felt nice to not have to worry that the ledge i was sitting on was not just sat on by exposed cookie. After lunch, we all went for our massage....I opted for the hour massage, whereas the other girls went for 90 minutes - well am I glad because that was another odd, unique, and somewhat painful experience. So Jami and I got put in the same room for the massage - apparently this place likes doing everything in twos....not sure what that is about but ok...at this point I'm game for anything and it was comforting knowing a friend was only a hop, skip, and vagina away in case I needed her. Well this massage was not so great, considering the women got on top of me and straddled me, pulled my legs behind my head, made my arms go behind my back in a way that should only be used for torture.....well i got out of that room asap after she was done and left poor Jami alone with her male masseuse...lo siento! But listen I had to go see sunlight and make myself know that the world was really a good place despite what was taking place in these Korean rooms of torture and humiliation. So I waited for the girls to be done, and as many know I cannot just sit still so I ventured into each of the different types of saunas, which are unisex, and thankfully clothes are required (and by clothes I mean the ridiculous uniforms they give everyone to wear - fyi pink and orange are not flattering when one is pale!) ....I then decided to go downstairs for some ridiculous reason only to find a festive party of vaginas walking around...no towels, not even just a towel to cover up the nether region ....WHY???? Well, it's like a train wreck you cannot help but look, despite the forest areas which needed to be cleared asap. I ran upstairs like a child that had just been offered candy from a man driving a pedophile van....and waited for the girls, who all looked like I did as we left the "massage" - shocked, hurt, and bewildered. This day was definitely one for the books. I will stick to red door where privacy is respected as is the vagina rule - no need to flash your vagina, ever! How I look forward to my next massage there where they will not go above my upper thigh, where my ass won't get massaged, and where no one straddles my back. The day was overall and fun though simply because of the laughs incurred and the stories that will last a lifetime. FYI if your loved one wants to go here, please be forewarned that they will come back a little sexually scared.
Monday, May 18, 2009
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1 comment:
I think you need a wearable towel!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WjdyjL0dbG8
all your problems solved!
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